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Thursday, October 13

Wife Code... OOPS!

The other day I talked to a good friend after a small absence (not intentional just life!).  Our husbands were deployed together, we spent the year supporting each other... oh and our kids are getting married in 20 years.  She asked how reintegration was going for us... instead of using the normal “oh everything is GREAT!” line that I hear CONSTANTLY, I was honest.  Hubby is having a tough time getting back into the swing of things and feels out of place everywhere but the gym.  It’s hard because I can’t fix this – I can’t PUSH him into feeling better and fitting in more.  I knew this would be an adjustment and I am doing the best I can and being as understanding as I can.  He procrastinates in things that I find IMPORTANT (finishing the house decorations), is late to outings more often than not but will move mountains to make gym time and time to ride his new bike. 

Anyhow... She and I were talking the other day, Hubby’s birthday, and I mentioned his tough time.  I was telling her about the closeness yet distance I feel, how he always talks about no fitting in.  He isn’t violent, screaming... just SUPER quiet and withdrawn at times.  I didn’t even think for a second beyond venting BUT the next thing I knew I had a text from her hubby.  He sent a gift to MY hubby for his birthday and apologized to me for not being a good friend.  CRAP!  I know how men are, they don’t want anyone to know that they are struggling but good Lord – I was venting because I don’t know what else to do.  I know that there is a wife code – I know that my Husband wouldn’t be upset but I feel bad.  He is not weak, he has deployed before and this was BY FAR easier for him physically than the last but for some reason this is hitting him hard.  Some days I feel that I have nowhere to turn because none of my civilian friends understand and no, my marriage is NOT in jeopardy, we are working through it all together.  The past year has been me doing it all with no help because he was gone... some days I feel like I still do it all with no help yet he is here. 

I need a vaca!! 


Adrienne said...

I know there is a "wife code" of things that you try not to talk about outside of your marriage and your house. However, remember that it is healthy for you to vent and talk too.

Shana said...

Thank you! The reason this blog is anonymous is to let me vent but there is no book (YET!) for reintegration....

Good grief!!